So I ordered a cake from a renowned bakery in Nagpur, through #Swiggy. In the order details I mentioned “Please mention if the cake contains egg”. I am speechless after receiving the order 👇🏼
You Might Also Like
“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
If you say liberry instead of library, we can definitely be friends because I will always feel like the smart friend
Her: Undress me with your words…
Me: I saw a spider in your bra.
My life coach: So what would you like to see happen this year?
Me: Kangaroos being allowed to fight in the UFC
Life coach: I will literally pay you to not come here anymore.
Friend: If you love cheeseburgers so much, why don’t you marry one?!
*looks at wife, wife shakes her head
Me: I’m not allowed
*kicks dirt
Sorry to interrupt your party, but I’m a little drunk and need to do the worm across your living room floor.
I don’t want to kill mice but I know they have to go so the cat takes care of it. When she goes down to the basement I’m like a mafia wife. She’s doing what has to be done and I don’t want to know about it.
I am going to learn to astral project or I’m going to sleep trying.
Just had a cardio workout peeling an orange.
Cheeseburgers don’t make you work to eat them.
There’s an important lesson here.
My 16yo daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it’s ok to leave her alone with him.
Lately I’ve been really honest with people and so far only 47 people are mad at me
Me: “I love you.”
4: “Thanks. I love Batman.”
[invasion]
*aircrafts dropping from the sky
*explosions everywhere
*mass hysteria
Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?
Sometimes at the beach it’s like “gross, is that a condom?” Yes. And it’s staying on. Not looking to raise any shark children.
[Excavation for dino bones]
DIGGER: Sir, we found something BIG!
DOG PALEONTOLOGIST: *tail wags* Ok go for break [salivating] I’ll finish up
Jeff Bezos has dropped to 3rd place in the world’s richest person rankings after being replaced by an Indian billionaire. Please visit our bio for the link to Bezos’s GoFundMe page. ❤️
Be the reason why you need two priests at your exorcism.
must be garbage day
* me scrolling the TL*
Added my sticker to the family on the back of your van I am in your family now you have to bring me to costco every time you go.
I didn’t realize that was an option
I’m guessing the person who decided how to spell “queue” and “okay” got paid by the letter.
angel: whatcha making?
god: *sharpening a dolphin* shark
[GOD INVENTING THE ELEPHANT]
Give that cow a vacuum.
Decided to stop saying “please subscribe” in my videos and it’s working. No new subscribers.
Who named it “push-up bra” instead of “abracadabra” ??
Sorry, my husband really tends to frown on me dating.
AH WONDERFUL I SEE THE JOB APPLICATION HAS CHOSEN TO IGNORE MY BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED RESUME IN LIEU OF MAKING ME ENTER MY INFORMATION LINE BY LINE ONTO SOME SORT OF WEBSITE FROM THE 1800S
My husband said he wants a blowie for his birthday. I don’t know what he’ll do with this snow blower in summertime…luckily it was on sale.
A posh woman asked where I got my boots and I didn’t want to say TJ Maxx, so I told her I won them in a bar fight.
Captain: *opens treasure chest* Arrgh! It be just a mirror!
First Mate: Look closely, Cap’n
Captain: *studies* The treasure… is me?
Crew: Happy Birthday, Cap’n!
Captain: *sniff* Yarrr