[last supper]
“Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver.”
“30.”
“Sorry Judas?”
[sips wine]
“I didn’t say anything.”
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Just watched a guy walk into the wall, because he couldn’t decide if he should go left or right. The future of humanity scares me.
Now that people have become accustomed to not knowing whether a person is having a phone conversation or just talking to themselves as they walk down the street I find myself doing a lot more public ranting.
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wife: oh my god she’s possessed
me: you sure? I mean you know her better but
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Gonna smoke some Herb.
“Nice.”
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Someone hacked into my dominos account and redeemed my free pizza
It’s not karma, you’re just an idiot.
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Inventor of the Kayak: What if the boat WAS your pants?!
Me: [trying to act normal]
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