True, making your own beer can be costly and time consuming, but the finished product is just awful.
You Might Also Like
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Date: What do you do?
Me *holds up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food
It is true. Time flies when you are having fun.
However it is also true that Time eventually rests on a tree branch and shits on your head.
I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling?
I understand why there were reindeer named Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, but how did Vixen earn her name. What is Santa hiding
More photos of empty shelves in stores please, I love seeing the shelving infrastructure of each store.
My warrior status is dramatically reduced every time I check my phone to see what I ordered instead of opening the box.
Christmas means giving my brother a $50 gift card, and getting a $50 gift card from my brother.
The holidays are always tough on me….
One year for Christmas , I made a gingerbread house that wasn’t up to code & it collapsed on a tiny, little gingerbread family.
Still haunts me.
I thought I stepped on a Lego, but thankfully, it was just a rusty old nail.
I hate when I’m in a restaurant bathroom, and I run out of toilet paper. Like my dinner guests are gonna be scared of HALF a mummy costume
Me as a teen: Only 150 hours?
Me as an adult: I will literally pay you more money to make this game shorter
Hear me out.. fashion bibs for adult messy eaters, like me
I set an alarm when I’m napping just to make sure I’m not late for my second nap.
Me: I picked up Oliver from doggy daycare.(talking to dog) I’d never forget you. No I wouldn’t.
Husband: Did you pick up the kids from your mom’s house?
Me: …Kids?
There is a mosquito that has been trailing me for two days. I’ve swatted and clapped but it has proven to be the stronger of us both. It’s time to give in to my place on the food chain
My husband is out of surgery and in recovery. What was the first thing my drug induced sweetheart said to me? That he loved me? That I was beautiful? That he missed me?
Nope.
Mashed potatoes. That’s what he said. Mashed potatoes. Get me some mashed potatoes.
Since the summer Olympics got postponed a year, that means I still have time to master ribbon gymnastics.
Morpheus: You’re The One Neo
Neo: You’re sure?
M: I’ve known for some time
N: *leans in for the kiss*
M: WHOA, that’s not what I meant bro..
Only 10 more days til Halloween!
My 4yo niece: “You’re fat”
Me: “Santa died”
Always be yourself…
Unless you run into one of your exes…
Then… Be a WAY more successful version of yourself…
A wee field mouse has been showing up at my door every few days for the last 2 weeks. He’s very polite. I say please go the other way, buddy! And he always does. Anyway, today my neighbor saw me telling him goodbye as he scurried off, so now I have to move.
North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn’t last an hour before they executed me.
[girl interrupting my sexting] please eat the potato salad with your mouth closed
Canada channels its’ anger through the geese.
Vin Diesel eats only two meals per day:
1) Breakfast
2) Breakfurious
SORTING HAT: this kid’s a piece of shit uh I mean slytherin
Lust is not real love and Domino’s is not real pizza but both are fine when you’re drunk.
Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I’d just go to prison.