“none of your ridiculous drink recipes tonight, ok dan?”
I promise
[later]
*stuffing flatbread into blender* WHO WANTS A PITA COLADA
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me: *crying* several
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My favorite female superhero
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Me: speak for yourself
Me: I need sex, and I need it now…
Her: I understand. You want to be alone.
When your bio says “No DMs,” I wanna DM you SO BAD and just say:
“OK.”
My cat and I are both on diets, it’s hilarious. Just sitting across from each other, angrily eating our horrible breakfasts.
Crayons overthrow royal blue, elect sienna-tors.
Dear Lord,
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Hey IKEA,
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Me: Yes, I am looking for a kitchen table.
Salesperson: Ok, but why are there 4 baskets of laundry behind you?
Me: I have to make sure my laundry fits on it before I buy the table. Duh.
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I don’t use my hands when I change my tampon. I just sing a jaunty tune and the Disney birds come in and begrudgingly do it for me.
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