Legend of Tarzan 2:
Tarzan meets other primates.
He befriends them all.
He teaches them to fight.
It’s a prequel to Planet of the Apes.
You Might Also Like
when you came back from the bathroom and your younger sibling had taken your spot on the couch
There are no atheists in parking lots where you’ve dropped your phone face down on the asphalt.
[finally rich enough to go to a tailor]
“How can I help you sir?”
One clothes please!
Got food poisoning and the restaurant offered me a voucher for a free meal. You know, because they didn’t get me the first time.
It’s always cool to swallow your pride unless you’re a lion.
Lol
A new survey shows that 37% of people would let a bird poop on them for good luck. Which makes more sense than the other 63%, who are just in it for the experience.
Guys, if you want to make a girl moan, tremble, and scream: be a spider.
If by “unload the dishwasher” you mean take out clean utensils as I need them, then yes I unloaded the dishwasher.
Guys I finally came up with a name for our character: Spongebob
“Perfect!”
Thanks
“What’s his last name?”
Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants
“Oh, I get it!”
– Me, when I didn’t get it.
“I’m going to enter you now,” I announce to an elevator to the bewilderment of everyone who is already inside. A lady clutches her purse.
[wife walking in the door after work]
WIFE: I had just had the worst… why are our kids in the dog cage?
ME: a hello would be nice.
If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time the universe will just be like lol nice try dummy
Has there been a movie made about giant killer candy corn yet? If not, I feel like there needs to be.
i cannot relate to all these YA main characters that have the focus and determination to complete their little tasks and save the world. after about two weeks when the hyperfixation of it wore of, i’d let the planet die bc i discovered knitting
Non-believers of Earth being a sphere presumably flatly deny all the evidence.
That tattoo of wings on your back are good. But wings that small could hardly get you off the ground though. *reveals full body wing tattoo*
Marriage should be traditional. As it was in The Bible. Between a man and a rib.
[at the zoo]
Llama spits in my face
I spit in llamas face
Llama slaps me
I grab llamas hair
Scuffle ensues
Llamas gf shouts “leave it Gary!”
Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
me: is there anything i can do about my dry skin
dermatologist: aloe
me: hi is there anything i can do about my dry skin
Confusing prank: Obtain a grizzly bear, name it Love then call 911 and say that Love is tearing you apart
Why don’t furniture stores just tell us when they’re NOT having a huge sale?
Kids going as Batman for Halloween should not be accompanied by parents unless those parents are dressed as ghosts
[laying in bed at 2am]
ME: hey siri do they still make grape nuts
SIRI: jesus christ go to sleep
I’m caught between needing new glasses and having already seen too much.
Behold…the 4th horseman of the Apocalypse.
At a job interview:
“What are your strengths?”
“I’m an optimist and a positive
thinker.”“Give me an example”
“When do I start?”
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn’t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
[on an airplane]
Me: Is the pilot any good?
Flight attendant: One of the best
Me: [winks] How about the rest of the season?