“Jingle-horse” sounds like an insult made by someone who wasn’t very good at crafting insults
You Might Also Like
Shout out to weather for giving me SOMETHING to talk about when I encounter neighbors.
Still can’t quite believe the World Health Organisation framed Roger Rabbit
*pitching Sylvester and Tweety cartoons*
Creator: A cat and a bird try to outsmart each other.
Executive: Yawn. Boring.
Creator: They both have speech impediments.
Executive: I love it.
Me: pew pew…pew pew pew
Guy at next urinal: Please stop
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fish burger & I realize, Oh my God…I could be eating a slow learner.
Hot single dads in your area AREN’T WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK FOR YOU TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR.
The burrito I ate for lunch today just sent me a push notification.
My kid went from saying “please” to “do it” and I really enjoyed my time with her but I think we’re over now.
[Facebook Marketplace]
Me: Selling this guitar amp.
Guy: I will trade you another guitar amp for it.
Me: How does this make sense in your head?
This guy on Animal Planet is looking for some kind of leopard and I’ve never wanted someone to be eaten by a leopard more than I do right now.
School crossing signs are bullshit, i’ve literally never seen a kid walking 20 mph
My boss: Could you come in to work on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here.
Me: Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends
Boss: Okay, when do you think you’ll get here then?
Me: Monday
I’m so single even my husband won’t match with me on tinder..
Cats don’t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can’t put them in the washing machine.
I don’t have to worry about my kids TP’ing houses on Halloween because apparently none of them know where the spare rolls are.
My wife told me the one thing she really wants for Christmas and I have to say I hope she gets it because I’d really like to meet Jason Momoa.
Yeah sex is pretty good but have you ever successfully started a conga line?
Settle down, guy who brought a hammock to a public park. You’re working awfully hard to show us how relaxed you are.
when serial killers go for a run do they take the psycho path
All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?
Taking phone security to the next level.
Old people be giving dating advice like “fill out a resume and just walk right up and ask to speak to their manager”
What will you contribute to the fight during the coming zombie apocalypse?
I will contribute a drawer full of Whataburger ketchup packets and McDonald’s hot mustard packets.
So, I assure you, you will want me on your zombie fighting team.
eighth henchman to go after jackie chan: ok well he’s not going to kick EIGHT of us
My friend said she’d bring a harmonica over for my daughter. What’s the fastest way to get a restraining order?
*walking into Home Depot for 2nd time today*
Back again? Forget something?
-Um, you remember if I brought a kid in here with me last time?
“Go ahead, caller. . .”
“Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I’d like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?”
Alas, my disappointment when I walked into Banana Republic and wasn’t greeted by Chancellor Banana Bananason
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Not to say my family is messy but I’ve had two different Roombas escape out the backdoor.