the ‘grandma exploit’ is undoubtedly my favorite chatbot jailbreak to date. source here:
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My wife celebrates Christmas on December 26th. That’s when she returns everything I bought her and gets what she wants.
When you’re in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn’t slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President.
If you arrive home, it’s not a holiday, and your driveway is full of family member’s cars, keep going…….It’s an intervention
Teach one orca how to play Battleship and look what happens.
*invents time machine*
*goes to 1930 germany*
*points guns at young hitler*
What gives u the right to ruin a mustache style for everyone?
Newborn babies implies there are oldborn babies and honestly that’s terrifying
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink
if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my chins
My daughter cuddled into me and said she loves me, which I thought was really cute until I realised she was stealing my muffin
Me: I want to be like Hemingway.
Friend: a writer?
Me: no. An alcoholic.
whelp that’s enough instagram for today
If I see a dog in a hot car, I’m always troubled.
Why don’t I have a hot car like that?
How much does that dog make per year?
pinnochio trying to win a 40 yard dash by lying as fast as he can at the end
If your 3yo cries for 45 min cause she wants to stay on the toilet but she doesn’t want to stay on the toilet and she wants to wipe but she doesn’t want to wipe and she wants you to stay but she doesn’t want you to stay, letting her have cookies for breakfast is called self-care.
Evil Scientist: I will turn you three into…A Human Centipede!
Hostage 1: No!
Hostage 2: Please! No!
Me: So…who gets to be the front?
A self driving car would be really handy for the daily nap I take on my drive home.
[First Date]
Her: I’m instantaneously attracted to men with power.Me: Nice. I just paid my electric bill.
The ultimate power move is signing emails “kind regards” because it implies there are kinder regards but they didn’t deserve them
Not to brag but a guy I made out with in 8th grade just wished me a happy birthday on Facebook and asked me to subscribe to his YouTube channel 🤩
Roses are red
Let’s get some fresh air
Make love in the moonlight
Have a pregnancy scare
I was shit at school. I turned up to the wrong lessons and sat the wrong exams. The rest as they say is geography.
I opened a pistachio once…
Worst 37 minutes of my life.
Juror:We find the defendant-
*pizza guy bursts in*
“Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty”
Defendant: Im Not Guilty
Judge:NOT GUILTY
*bangs gavel*
Hell hath no fury like a woman who ALREADY TOLD YOU WHERE THE SCISSORS ARE
Eating just one animal cracker is impossible. The entire herd must go.
Sitting on airplane…. I sanitize our tray tables, seat cushions, seatbelts, and seatback pockets. My child then licks the window.
That curb wasn’t there until I hit it.
Drinking wheatgrass juice is a great way to know what being a lawnmower tastes like.