*mugger snatching Elsa’s purse
Elsa: LET IT GO!
Mugger: LET IT GO!
Elsa: CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!
Mugger: LET IT GO!
Elsa: LET IT GO!
You Might Also Like
Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
My wife: hey I’m gonna go get a Brazilian
Me: you can just buy them?
That’s as old as the hills
hills: (offended) Hey
*walks past German Shepherd and nods* Officer…
Waiter: I’m sorry sir, we don’t have an appetizer called Jenga.
A bunch of termites in a trench coat: Then we..I mean I will have the salmon on the cedar plank, hold the salmon
[making the first boat]
“How do we get across this river?”
ME: we gotta build a boat
“What’s a boat?”
ME: that’s what we gotta figure out
ME: *plummeting to earth* I’VE MISUNDERSTOOD THE INTENDED UTILITY OF PARACHUTE PANTS
Dinner Party
Hostess: How much of this would you like?
Me eyeing the platter suspiciously: just one clump please.
SHAGGY: hey Scoob you look like you have a bad case of updog
SCOOBY-DOO: rut’s updog
SHAGGY: not much what’s up with you man lol
SCOOBY-DOO: ruck rou Raggy
Kid: Everything poops?
Me: Kinda
K: Trees don’t poop
M: Trees produce waste, which in their case is oxygen
K: So we’re breathing tree poop?
M:
K:
M: Don’t you have XBox to play or something?
People think I’m a good listener but I’m really just solid at nodding
nothing about reading dr seuss has convinced me that he’s actually a doctor
Twitter: “Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican”
This morning my daughter lost her watch, mask, homework book, hairbrush and my will to live
Stop flattering yourself.
I’m not subtweeting you.
Ok, i am right now, but i wasn’t before.
Facebook Uncles 600 years ago would just be like ‘ya but Vlad The Impaler has some really strong job numbers’
Penguins are always dressed in formalwear because they often need to go to court to answer for their terrible crimes
When I was in first grade, my teacher asked me what my mom did for a living. I said “She sells drugs.” I meant she worked in pharmaceutical sales.
me: lord if you’re up there, give me a sign
booming voice from above: LOG OFF
me: that could’ve been anyone
Even though Janice had always wanted an extravagant wedding, she couldn’t help but feel putting toilet paper on the bridal registry was a bit over the top.
everyone’s allowed one idiotic business idea, and this is mine: a high-end restaurant for chewing gum. we manufacture many of our own gums in-house, but we also offer rare and vintage varieties. you want gatorgum, the gatorade gum from 1992? it’s part of tonight’s $155 prix fixe
I think more men would go to therapy if it was competitive. “Fourteen points in healthier communication? Yes! Eat my dust, Kyle! You emotionally unavailable loser!”
I’m so thrilled hockey is starting I could nap
I’ve got something stuck in my tooth, but instead of flossing I think I will just drive myself nuts all day by trying and failing to get it out with my tongue.
I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you’re a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.
ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again!
MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You’re shallow and selfish. I’m leaving you and taking the kids.
If I were a proctologist, you KNOW I would keep a pair of Hulk Hands in my exam room.
‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
What do you call clean German cabbage?
Shower-kraut.
#CabbageDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
For someone who hates the circus, I sure have dated a lot of clowns.