*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
You Might Also Like
Siri, make me pancakes.
You have a Blackberry, Linda. Go home, Linda, you’re drunk.
Having kids is great because you get to ask fun questions like why is there a volleyball in the refrigerator?
“do you know why I pulled one over on you?”
becau- wait what?
“I’m not a real cop lol”
*pulls gun* “I am taking your car though”
I keep a tiny vial of gluten in my pocket in case I ever need to smash it on the ground to make a getaway from a large group of hipsters
I’m impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?
*Holds an old lady’s hand as I help her across the street*
don’t worry ma’am i’m sure the doctors can sew it back on
*Batman happily approaches Batmobile*
Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco.
*Defeatedly gets in Batvan*
Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You.