Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.

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NYT: No, we did not make Wordle harder. We promise.

Also NYT: Today’s Wordle is KHYBX — which everyone knows is a popular 11th century Latin delicacy derived from quicksand extract. Duh.


I’m with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don’t find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can’t believe this what you guys eat in Africa!


To err is human… To not know what err means is American.


If you were thinking of having kids, just know my 5 yr old daughter is upset and crying because her 3 yr old sister likes the same color as her.


What idiot decided to call them meteorologists and not Storm Troopers


Cyclists who think you’re both a car AND a pedestrian.

Explain yourselves.


I’m allergic to bears. One bear bite and it’s straight to the ER for me.


Me: I did pretty well. I left with four kids, and I came back with four kids.

Wife: The same four kids?

Me: I’ll be right back.


If you look up the word “not a virgin” in the dictionary, it’s a picture of me wearing a sick leather jacket.