@WhatsHerFace33

Bad luck, Atheists named Christian.

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@TurnpikeTony

“Dora” only rhymes with “Explorer” if you’re from Long Island, New York

@outsidemagazine

Yellowstone visitor upset bears didn’t show (Would like park service to train them):

@howe007

Drinking alcohol before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.

@MaraWilson

What is wrong with Riverdale that ARCHIE was the best option?

@JB4Realz

[PHONE]
“TSA, How can I help you?”
Me: “Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!”
Agent: “Umm…”
Me: “DAMMIT, HE’S STARVING!”

@OlanDevine

I was raised by my father.

He was a competitive poker player.

@TurboJellyBean

Ignorant person: “You’re Canadian. You live in igloos, right?”
Me: “You’re American. You live in McDonalds’, Right?