Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out.
Customer: Can someone else serve us?
C:I don’t want my children exposed to the sin of your tattoos.
M: Satan wants their tiny souls.
You Might Also Like
*husband and I arguing*
Kids (in unison): “YAYYYYYY TWO CHRISTMASES!!!!!
Me, eating catfish: This looks nothing like it did on the menu.
sumtimes i go 2 hard tho
If you’d just let me explain, you’d be even angrier.
My doctor wants me to take a stress test.
I should pass with flying colors. I’ve been studying for this my whole life.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Fun Date Idea: Find a balloon, forget about the date, you have a balloon now.
I’m going green for the holidays.
911 what’s the emergency
“Please help, I made too much spaghetti”
Relax sir, we’ve all been th—*spaghetti starts coming out of the phone*