@nice_mustard when super mario bros. was released in russia it was much less popular under the title “you are toilet man fight turtle monster”
@DrunjAF *goes to the gym*
*takes a selfie & posts it on Facebook for the wife to see*
*hurries to the bar*
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@nice_mustard 
@withanewname Extra car key
Extra house key
Extra storage unit key
Key to an extra apartment with a liquor cabinet– Keys to a successful relationship
@mlefaye I bet a lot of guys who don’t think that rape is a big deal were super upset when that U2 album was put on their phone without consent.
@WalkingOutside I let my baby girl know she can do anything.
Except taking the bow out of her hair cuz IT’S REALLY CUTE AND SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE IT ALONE.
@mimicz Boy are people gonna be upset when they find out the God Particle is black…
@EndhooS “Nice” – first kangaroo to realise it had a pocket
@theDapperilla guys love flexing “i’m self made” so is amoeba what’s your point
@funk62out Back away slowly from the uncaffeinated woman.
@a_simpl_man Waterbeds are for people who want to get sea sick at home.
@Emsrsue I’ve come to realize that cleaning my house with everyone home is like brushing your teeth while eating oreos.