@OBiiieeee

HOLD YOUR HORSES. TELL YOUR HORSES YOU LOVE THEM. DONT BE TOO STRICT WITH YOUR HORSES OR THEY’LL DATE OLDER HORSES GET TATTOOS & HAVE PONIES

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@iamjohnsarris

Reasons to carry a handkerchief:

3) You’ve never heard of tissues

2) You’re doing a magic trick

1) You’re hiding your face to rob a train

@Renie_Rivas

I’ve never wanted a mansion. Not because I’m modest- I just don’t need more places to lose my keys.

@JIMBOSWELT

I see ur bio says ‘Medical Intern’. Can you take a look at this *sends DM of mother-in-laws face* n tell me if it’s infected. It is right?

@LurkAtHomeMom

Fun Fact: the average group of 4 yr olds can take up to 7 years to break open a piñata.

@scootergonscoot

when a bird is walking around on its little bird legs. it’s mocking you. it’s saying this is you. this is what you look like.

@thejessbess

Shout out to sidewalks.

Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

@Lisabug74

If I add up all the cheese I ate this year, you’d think I’m actually made of moon.

@jonnysun

*the force awakens*
*the dark knight rises*
*they make eye with eachother adn realize they were sleepig in the same bed*
AHHHHHHHHHHHH

@Marcmywords2

Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart
and 4 people asked me to defend them
in Drug Possession Cases.

Court starts Monday.

@Turn2Dude

I understand how batteries feel cause I’m rarely ever included in things either.