@StarWarsProblms Kylo Ren: *high pitched voice* I love you Kylo Ren. You’re the best dark Jedi ever
General Hux: *walks in* Stop playing with Vader’s helmet
@semiodd I always say I’ll sleep when I’m dead, but I’m pretty sure I’ll still find a way to stay up late.
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@StarWarsProblms 
@TheAndrewNadeau roman: how will we know which one is jesus
judas: imma kiss him
roman: why
judas: *applying lip gloss* lol i know right
@Birdhumms Me: Help someone is trying to gain entry to my home, send the police!
Her: Calm down, where are they now?
Me: Still ringing the doorbell
@rusty_coach Shouting “say my name baby” but it’s just me waiting on my takeout order
@mjkspeaks [interview]
Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?
Me: “OMG I’M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!”
@Paxochka Champagne says I’m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
@Book_Krazy Dawn’s coming over.
“Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?”
*Dawn walks in* “WELL WELL WELL, if it isn’t the lady I’m framing for murder.
@SortaBad If you watch Sleeping Beauty backwards it’s about a prince who was so charming he kissed his girlfriend and she fainted for 17 years
@imence2 I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….
…..I just love smell of campfires.
@ojedge [puts puppy in microwave]
[googles instructions for making hotdogs]
[quickly releases puppy from microwave]