
Blood is thicker than water, but rhinoceros poop is thicker than blood, so..
Blood is thicker than water, but rhinoceros poop is thicker than blood, so..
For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle.
Sometimes I like to wear a robe to the grocery store, pull out a tape measure, start measuring various vegetables, and let shopper imaginations run wild
16 yr old nephew bought me a Miley Cyrus CD. He said “Listen to it, it’ll change your mind. It did change my mind. I used to like my nephew.
“I’m an actress”
I watched your web series, and I disagree.
Theft insurance for my iPhone? Nope. I bought a protector that makes it look like a little book. Nobody steals little books.
Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.
Kid threw a rainbow slushee at my windshield …. Thought I hit a unicorn
Jim: I’m totally spacing out on a word.
Me: OK
J: What’s that awful thing called…
M: …
J: You wake up with it after you drink?
M: Linda.