I’m proud to say my dog was a rescue.

He was behind this terrible fence.

In my neighbor’s yard.

You Might Also Like


*Picks up a grudge, holds it up with a pair of tongs, brings it closer to his nose n sniffs it, examines it for cracks*

“Yes, this is still good. We shall hold on to this one for another four years.”


Cyclists who think you’re both a car AND a pedestrian.

Explain yourselves.


Bathe your child in lavender soap before bed so you’re both nice and relaxed before you lose your mind when they won’t go to sleep.


Coaxing one piece of costume jewelry at a time off my toddler as she sighs and weeps like a disgraced aristocrat pawning her jewels to save the family estate


The most valuable lesson I learned from Hey Arnold is that it’s okay to punch mouth breathers in the face.


do u know the muffin man
the muffin man
the muffin man
do u know the muffin man
that lives on d-d-d-d-d-d

*club goes nuts*


Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?

Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!


Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won’t need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.


[puts puppy in microwave]

[googles instructions for making hotdogs]

[quickly releases puppy from microwave]


my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town