Just think: right now, your body is cookin’ up some poop.

You Might Also Like


My mom told me not to hang out with bad girls, she never said don’t be one.


I have never cried at the movies as much as I did after Les Misérables when my wife said I couldn’t have fried chicken for the drive home.


You’re right, teenagers: We don’t know what you’re going through. The rest of us skipped straight from 12 to 20. Best decision we ever made.


There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I’m pretty sure it’s to charge our phones.


I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.


Love is that feeling you get when you meet someone that makes you forget about all of your problems cuz they’re causing all new problems.


Her: try curing your hangover with the hair of the dog

Him: the what?



[calls work] I’m sorry I can’t come into work today

“is everything alright?”

[getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no