Girls, get your abortions NOW in case the Republicans win
[Listening to Hungry Like the Wolf]
10yo: When did this come out?
10: 19 or 18?
You Might Also Like
ME: Hi, I’ve got my hearing test today
LAWYER: I keep telling you it’s not a test
Therapist: So what’s the problem?
Wife: He thinks he’s a flamingo.
Me: That’s it! I’m putting my foot down.
*lowers foot that was raised*
Worst Native American name ever.
“I think that kid’s a robot”
“Look at his mouth”
Relax they’re just braces
*backs away slowly*
“That’s exactly what a robot would say”
People act weird when I explain that I ate my twin in the womb, but when would have been the right time to do it?
Marriage is for people who want their break ups to involve paperwork.
Me: kill me now!
Murderer, from behind curtain: i was going to surprise you
I’ll never forget my grandad’s last words on his deathbed.
He said: “I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble…”
I stepped in water with my socks on, you guys go on without me