@Megatronic13

Me: first, I wish for you to not judge me

Genie: okay

Me: second, I wish Disney would make another Tarzan sequel

Genie: k…

Me: third, I wish we were at McDonald’s

[McDonald’s]

Me: we’ll have 2 Tarzan Banana McFlurrys please 🙂

Genie: *trying so hard to not look pissed*

You Might Also Like

@ilovepie84

I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.

@stats_canada

Canadian Tinder users are 56% male, 44% female and 33% holding a fresh trout

@sigridellis

My son was at his blacksmithing camp yesterday. He came home with a knife “forged in the dark of an eclipse.”

I am so proud.

@Gen22

My milkshake won’t bring the boys to the yard but I’m betting my free wifi will.

@onthemauve

ignored emails coming back to bite me call that “night of the unread”

@_elvishpresley_

[googles “camaflage spiders”]

-no results-

phew.

wait…

[googles “camouflage spiders”]

-11,345,453 results-

motherf

@MavenofHonor

I’m enjoying a run through the sprinkler, but everyone else “smells smoke” and “thinks we should leave the conference room”

@UnFitz

“Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man” he hummed to himself while ironing his sleeveless tuxedo T-shirt.

@TheDeadfishSays

The most frustrating thing I’ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.