@ilovepie84 I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.
@Megatronic13 Me: first, I wish for you to not judge me
Genie: okay
Me: second, I wish Disney would make another Tarzan sequel
Genie: k…
Me: third, I wish we were at McDonald’s
[McDonald’s]
Me: we’ll have 2 Tarzan Banana McFlurrys please 🙂
Genie: *trying so hard to not look pissed*
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@ilovepie84 
@stats_canada Canadian Tinder users are 56% male, 44% female and 33% holding a fresh trout
@sigridellis My son was at his blacksmithing camp yesterday. He came home with a knife “forged in the dark of an eclipse.”
I am so proud.
@Gen22 My milkshake won’t bring the boys to the yard but I’m betting my free wifi will.
@glittercoco_ Perks of dating me : I’m too lazy to cheat on you
@onthemauve ignored emails coming back to bite me call that “night of the unread”
@_elvishpresley_ [googles “camaflage spiders”]
-no results-
phew.
wait…
[googles “camouflage spiders”]
-11,345,453 results-
motherf
@MavenofHonor I’m enjoying a run through the sprinkler, but everyone else “smells smoke” and “thinks we should leave the conference room”
@UnFitz “Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man” he hummed to himself while ironing his sleeveless tuxedo T-shirt.
@TheDeadfishSays The most frustrating thing I’ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.