@ShortSleeveSuit
@OpenClassMX Need tips on making something look like an accident.
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@OpenClassMX 
@Popehat Seriously this lawyer has shouted enough about the case he’s on that I could go on Westlaw dockets,find the case, call opposing counsel, and let him listen to the strategy call.
@AllyBallyBeal I tried dusting after five energy drinks now my house is on fire.
@jakelikesnaps [astronaut test]
Before you begin, questions?
[hand raised]
“Is it true the moon is cheese?”
Are you that damn mouse again?
[mouse runs out]
@fro_vo Noah: it’s starting to rain hurry up you two
Bob the Unicorn: whew we made it
Joe the Unicorn: yeah just in time
@JodingersCat SNL labels their bathrooms comic relief
@tastefactory Let’s all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.
@HansGrubertron DATING COACH: So you tried flirting?
ME: Sure, I gave her ‘the look’
DATING COACH: Show me
*I bite my lip seductively*
DATING COACH: Have you considered biting the bottom lip?
@joeljeffrey [buying treadmill]
Me: Can I try it out first?
Salesperson: Sure
Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.
@kibblesmith Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS