Most of my Biology exams were Bio D Gradeable.
I’ll let myself out.
![]()
You Might Also Like
A dying fire will always attract a dad with a stick who will poke it twice and say, “…that should do it.”
I can’t help but get a little offended whenever my computer suddenly decides to ask me to prove who I am. Oh really, you need a password now, after everything we’ve googled together…
Me: I’d like a neck tattoo
Tattoo artist: okay, of what?
Me: I just told you
Tattoo artist:
Me: on my forearm
The hardest part about Halloween dinner is the buttering of the candy corn.
[walking slowly down the basement staircase with a flashlight to investigate a scary noise] h-hello???
giant rat demon (suddenly appears with loose sweatpants on): dude you have to knock first
me: ah sorry martin
medium rat demon: come back to bed baby
[Spelling Bee]
Judge: Your word is ‘babe’
Bee: B-A-E
J: Sorry. There’s another ‘B’
Bee: WHAT! WHERE?
*goes crazy*
*stings Judge*
*dies*
Oh and I’d like to thank autocorrect for changing “Thanks for the good info” to “Thanks for the fool info”
Me: I have a headache.
WebMD: and it will be your last.
Children will literally bust in the bathroom like a cop to ask a question and then complain about the smell
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I’d also be responding to all texts they receive.They’ve been well behaved since.
FROM THE FIRST BITE YOU CAN TELL CELERY DOESN’T WANT TO BE EATEN
If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank
You only live once. Go talk to that gorgeous person… ask them for their phone number, steal their identity, buy yourself a big screen TV
I can’t stress this enough, I will never have a need to use a hotel’s complimentary gym when I’m on vacation.
one of the funniest things tv and movies do in flashbacks is give the child version of an adult character the same haircut that the adult character currently has
Louis CK releasing a special when no one can leave the room feels pretty on brand TBH
[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I’m a koala]
Waiter: “what can I get u?”
“do u have any eucalyptus?”
*restaurant goes quiet*
Me: *levitating, a jumble of furniture swirls chaotically around me*
Him: so, you still mad?
Bird snatches worm: Haha beat you to it sleepy head!
*blam!*
And early riser Hunter Harry gets delicious fried pheasant for lunch.
7am: *starts diet*
7pm: *eats the house*
If you feel the need to throw American cheese at something, aim for the trash.
“How was the beach? You hang ten or what?”
No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation
It’s all fun in the sun until a swarm of mosquitoes is carrying your kid across the yard.
Mormon cats have 9 wives.
Hates everyone who has a cooler birthstone than mine.
Took my kids out to dinner & was quickly reminded why I never take them out to dinner.
Myers-Briggs is just astrology for men. Sorry, that was a Pisces thing for me to say.