My 10 yo is talking to me past 9 pm. Why is he attacking me like this?
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me: “so, have you picked any names yet?”
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Me: Wait! It’s not what it looks like!
Gaslighting myself with the lid of this Pringles tube like I’m actually capable of some restraint.
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G: #2
M: another pen
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It’s fall??
“Ya, so what?”
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Life: Yeah, about that…
*boss puts arm around Alan*
Look out that window, Alan. What do you see?
“Um, chirping birds?”
That’s right Alan. But why do they chirp?
“Because they’re free?”
No, Alan.
“Er, because they want guns?”
You’re goddamned right they want guns, Alan. That’s why we make guns for birds.
I just asked my kids to jump into a bubbling magma pit.
Just kidding, I asked them to eat the dinner I cooked for them, but their reaction fits that magma scenario