Ok, but like, how married are you?
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Lawns are weird. Let’s grow 7000 of the same thing and nothing else.
Hypothesis, hypotenuse and hippopotamus are the same words
Stay woke, sheeples
I just yelled ‘Jayden’ at the mall and now I’m a mom to like 20 kids.
Bee: *vomits* oh man, I don’t feel so good *vomits again*
Beekeeper: *reaches into beehive* sweet
Bee: oh hey Jerry, bad time I don’t feel gre- OH GOOD LORD WTF ARE YOU DOING?
Realized I never said “unquote” after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I’ve said since is Shakespeare
Fight club but it’s really just me trying to grab air before I fall on the ice.
The wife: I’m running away
Me: no you’re not
The wife: give me one good reason
Me: you hate running
[attempting roleplay in the bedroom] how long have you lived in the neighborhood
*watches someone skateboard off a roof
…hold my beer
I’m from a generation that wouldn’t dare tell an adult that we were bored.