@jjhartinger
@kodeeezzzy I don’t want to say that my fiancé is controlling.. it’s more that she’s BEAUTIFUL GUYS I HAVE TO GO
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@kodeeezzzy 
@GashleyMadison A laugh track, but for every time my boss says “I need this done today.”
@daddygofish Me: I love you
7yo: I love you too
Me: l love you to infinity
7yo: I love you to infinity too
Me: l love you more than ice cream
7yo:
7yo: what flavor?
@HomeProbably Everyone buries their problems in different ways.
I bury them alive because killing people is wrong.
@Wandering324 Them: what’s your sign?
Me: exhausted potato
@danCLYNE Hey can someone tell CNN about snakes?
@psybermonkey [heist]
Me: *presses stethoscope against bank safe
Thief: well?
Me: omg…
[cut to safe being pushed rapidly down hospital corridor]
@bingowings14 Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?
Are we Thor yet?– How to annoy an Avenger when you’re on a road trip.
@lukeplusone Watching this Dahmer show on Netflix this guy doesn’t seem too bad I mean he’s just oh wait yep ok there it is wow my god Jeffrey
@bridger_w Sad thing is, they probably never even gave it a chance
