@SoNotThePoint_

Since finding a huge spider in my slipper I now keep em on a chair cuz my little brain decided spiders don’t like chairs.

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@yung__spider

Jaws (1975): people started hating a shark for doing normal shark things

@what_a_messs

Babe, can u vacuum a Chess board into the carpet again? the guys r here for a lifesize game
*guys standing around in armor & kings outfits*

@kevinthedad

until I had kids I had no idea that it was possible for someone to drink water with such ferocity

@loribuckmajor

I like to finish other people’s sentences because

my version is better.

@OllyiConic

I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.

@danjan13

I’m on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?

@KyleMcDowell86

*puts stethoscope up to chest*

Dr: I dont hear..U don’t have a heart Karen

“Did my ex Kyle put u up to this?”

*Im in the bushes giggling*