Jaws (1975): people started hating a shark for doing normal shark things
Since finding a huge spider in my slipper I now keep em on a chair cuz my little brain decided spiders don’t like chairs.
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Babe, can u vacuum a Chess board into the carpet again? the guys r here for a lifesize game
*guys standing around in armor & kings outfits*
i think only bears should have the right to bear arms
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
until I had kids I had no idea that it was possible for someone to drink water with such ferocity
I like to finish other people’s sentences because
my version is better.
I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
I’m on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?
Her: See ya later alligator!
Me: *slithers into swamp*
*puts stethoscope up to chest*
Dr: I dont hear..U don’t have a heart Karen
“Did my ex Kyle put u up to this?”
*Im in the bushes giggling*