@Storminika

Strangers have the best candy.

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@ch000ch

do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don’t have to be there

@MrGeorgeWallace

Where in the hell are Dora the Explorer’s parents? Do they know she’s riding a damn crocodile into a volcano?

@tastefactory

Hey Law & Order, please stop throwing around the word semen all willy-nilly, I’m trying to watch this with my mom

@Dallani

My high school girlfriend got “uses her kids as her facebook profile picture” fat.

@_davidlucas_

A pet hedgehog. Because you don’t have enough pricks in your life.

@Jod1e1992

Forget waterboarding, just put a cold hand on my belly and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.

@RandiLawson

I’m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out.

We are going to watch tv.