@SlabBaconBP

Take a stand against childhood obesity by chasing little fat kids down the street.

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@LizerReal

thank us. at 3rd floor. hit yourself. you will. 3 months. from now.

@WilliamAder

Why hang Wanted posters in the post office? We’re not crime-fighting crusaders. We’re buying stamps.

@okimstillhungry

Me:*typing furiously* I’ve bypassed the firewall and I’m hacking into the mainframe now
Arby’s customer: So is my order placed or not
Me: No

@TinksEyeView

There are many reasons relationships don’t work out.
DIstance should never be one of them.
You want them?
Go get them Xxx

@LizHackett

Wrap toilet paper around you like a wedding dress and slowly get naked as you tear pieces off to blow your nose all day.

@shaun__gunner

When a man tries to hug me hello or goodbye I whisper in his ear “tip to tip” and sigh as we embrace to ensure we never do it again.

@electrolemon

why did double and triple dog dares go of out style. it’s win-win. you either see your friends do stupid things or you win two to three dogs

@Clanopath

If you insist on changing someone, do it without their knowledge….Like by poisoning their food.