Jesus: love your neighbor
Me: aw thanks, yours is also great
UK and US word differences
UK | US
Crisps | Guns
Chips | Guns
Nappy | Gun
Biscuit | Gun
Pavement | Floor Gun
Lollypop | Gun
Gun | Two Guns
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I am 36 years old. I could have been a dog three times by now.
Okay Johnson, it’s time. Any last requests?
I said it’s time, any last—ah I see what you did there, Johnson. Good one
A woman’s asshole is like a 9 volt battery. You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue on it.
my toxic trait is saying to myself “it’s only $20” 1500 times a week
“If you want something badly enough you’ll never give up.”
frodo threw my serotonin into mount doom.
If you don’t pay your exorcist
You get repossessed
Told my 10 y/o daughter that even though I got a big promotion at work my most important job is still just being her dad and she said, “that’s nice” and asked me to get her a glass of water.
Child protective services?
Who’s protecting the parents Huh?
WHO’S PROTECTING THE PARENTS?