@TopherKearby

We get it, Japan.
All of your cats can skateboard.

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@lejessica

They say treat others how you would like to be treated.

Now I have to go out on a date with a guy and treat him like a princess.

@UncleDuke1969

Been coming here every day for six years and I’m starting to lose hope.

@notacroc

*Japanese Zen garden tour*
Guide: It’s important to be quiet & not disturb the-
*Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U

@ArfMeasures

[phone]
WIFE: Where the hell are u?
ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted?
W: OMG
M: I’m in a bar not far from there

@8rustystaples

This bicyclist in front of me sure dresses like he could be pedaling faster.

@slimmy_shady

You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.

@enigmaterics

One thing I’ve learned about getting older is that not everything is as how it appears.

Or I need new glasses. Again.

@topaz_kell

I’m never quite sure when to lean in for a kiss after a job interview.

@CatherineLMK

Being an adult is like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a crowded theater, everyone else knows what’s going on and you just nod