
We all have our weaknesses. Yours are just more obvious.
What if animals “were” injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
We all have our weaknesses. Yours are just more obvious.
“Then it’s agreed. We’ll meet back in this same place in 10 years.” -Me to some dishes in my sink
[Ouija Board]
“Oh great spirits tell me ur secrets”
You'll die soon
“OMG HOW”
Hold on I have another call
I think I’m gonna make a bracelet that supports getting rid of bracelets that support stuff.
*date*
GIRL: I love hot tubs. Do you love hot tubs?
LOBSTER: That’s like the third time you’ve asked me that.
If we were in a fight, I’d mop the floor with you…
Except I don’t do housework.
What idiot called it Oktoberfest instead of Octo-Bar?
I’ll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.
*During sex*
Wife – *looking up* I thought I asked you to dust the ceiling fan.
I bought a bathing suit yesterday and the automated voice said “unexpected item in bagging area”.