You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,
What if animals “were” injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
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Does a sunset actually happen if someone doesn’t take a picture of it and post it on Instagram?
I’ve been introducing myself as Jim The Chosen One ever since I was named milk monitor in grade 6.
The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would’ve been like.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He’s never gonna give you Up.
You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.
1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater
Squirrels don’t hibernate in the winter they just get angry.
The horror. The apostrophe’s.
Salem during the 1600’s was great. If your woman pissed you off, you just tell people she’s a witch and they kill the bitch. For free.