My master plan is to forget sunglasses at every location in the world so wherever I am I’ll always have sunglasses.
Whatever, low battery indicator. You’re not the boss of
You Might Also Like
Why DOES “February” have that extra R? It should just be “Februay.”
OMG, he’s almost here.
How’s my hair?
How do I look?
I’m so excited!
*My pizza delivery guy.
“I’d like you to meet my half sister.”
Dude’s trunk just popped open in front of me on the expressway ramp. I instinctively looked to see if any of you were in there.
“This shirt that the team was wearing smells disgusting. I need to find an appropriate state to name it after.”
-Inventor of the jersey
The cashier wasn’t impressed with my top hat, sash, and monocle until I said “Keep the change” from the $1 I gave him for my $0.95 purchase.
Cop: *searching my car*
“WHERE IS IT?
I KNOW IT’S HERE!”
Me: *trying to swallow a Nickelback cd*
“IT’S NOT MINE, I SWEAR!”
God I hate kids.
And stuff that’s alive.
And stuff that’s dead.
I hate stuff.
I like cheese.
If you ever see me wearing anything fur lined or faux fur, please punch the person I’m with in the face. I’ve been kidnapped & need saved!!