@MaxKrimeTV
@PanicRestroom Million dollar idea: Selling shower heads at the exit of a Ryan Gosling movie
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@PanicRestroom 
@clintwebster When people post about their 5 year olds, they’re talking about wine right?
@QwertyJones3 FRIEND: Thanks for letting me stay here while I’m in town
ME: No problem
FRIEND: Do u have a Waffle House nearby?
ME: No they’re all wood
@Richard57941301 i work in the toll booth and i listen to smooth operator and i sing along but i say booth operator
@CallousBalzac BRITS: Put extra vowels in all of the words!
WELSH: Fckn Brts tk r vwls. Lts jst mk nw wrds wtht thm, xcpt y. Y cn sty.
@jakob_huber Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
@John_M15 The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
@Social_Mime Bought two shirts at Kohl’s and according to their calculations I saved $2,750.
@canadasandra if he likes you he will let you know. if he wants to talk to you, he’ll text. do nothing. you’re a beautiful object. pretend you’re a tree
@SpenceDen I carry my checkbook with me everywhere just in case someone wants to be paid in the least convenient way possible.