Avalanches won my recent poll of the world’s favourite natural disasters, by a landslide.
You know you’re getting old when your friends start having kids on purpose.
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uber drivers love asking where you’re from even though they just picked you up from there
My best relationship advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
What doesn’t kill you leaves you feeling rejected and wondering why you weren’t good enough for death.
A woman drives into a bar.
My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.
My kid: “I want the new iPad like my friends, everyone has them”
Me: “And I want to vacation in Hawaii..disappointing day all around huh?”
Don’t ever call me sexist.
Sexism is wrong and being wrong is for women.
Jesus: love your neighbor
Me: aw thanks, yours is also great