@shegotagronk

You’re so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don’t you.

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@sloganeerist

People who replace “Christ” with “X” are missing the whole point of what the ChristBox 360 is about.

@JermHimselfish

People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.

@trishimal25

Alexa is the ouija board I won’t allow in my own house, but will use in yours.

@Fathom_this

Your heart beats faster, your knees go weak, you start to sweat. Is this love? No you’re probably hypoglycemic

@seriouslyemily

Dipping your cats in blue paint and watching them chase each other is 1000x more entertaining than Avatar.

@EllaZee5

God: let there be light!

vampires: wtf dude we were invincible til now

@_kayditty

Why can’t I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded.