God making man in his image was the original selfie
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Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness.
While you’re thinking what to wear, I’m thinking how to take it off.
I can fix him.
Doritos – my own personal love triangles.
This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said “I didn’t know Pink used her last name as well” Now she’s dead
Is there a Twitter acronym for “Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it”?
Whaaa? You taste brides? RT MatrooKiBijlee: Bridal tasting was a success! The only thing I regret is not taking pictures. But still….”
There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Yesterday 9 asked what’s the meaning of life and 6 punched him, but that was yesterday when I was on acid. Numbers don’t usually talk to me.