@bylinetd

I put my fake Christmas tree up in record time

then compulsively fluff it for a month.

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@twelveyearsold

ghost, are we friends?
*ouija board spells out “SURE”
do you suppose we could ever be… well, more than that?
*ghost favs but doesn’t reply*

@Maxine12333

I’ve always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.

@bylinetd

I put my fake Christmas tree up in record time

then compulsively fluff it for a month.

@robdelaney

My neighbor just walked by carrying some pots for planting & I said “Looks like you won the pottery lottery!” Now everyone is mad at me.

@noog

Ned Stark is just a gay Boromir.

@Xalqee

If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

@broken_rhi

My favorite question is “are you a real person?” and the answer is no. I’m a sewer rat who discovered an old iphone and is now using it for nefarious purposes. Hope that settles that.