@Heatinblack I bet ghost anatomy is an easy course
@LurkAtHomeMom 90% of parenting a little girl is chasing her around the house with a hair brush and a ponytail holder.
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@Heatinblack 
@TheWoodenslurpy You’re a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians.
@sofarrsogud I’M GONNA OWN THIS YEAR!!!
*buys goldfish
*calls it ‘This Year’.
@MomesTheWord This is not the inflation I learned about in clown school.
@bgdadyspnkbtm saying “i don’t care” and then not being able to sleep because of it is my superpower
@KimmyMonte {walks into farmers market}
Me: is there a bathroom here?
Worker: sorry the bathroom is for customers only
Me: ok I’ll take 4 farmers
@House_Feminist If science is so great how come they haven’t invented a way to compliment someone’s smell without sounding like a serial killer
@OneFunnyMummy I never got in trouble when I was young. Guess I’m making up for that now.
@mydmac *pushes vending machine over
NO YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER!
@KentWGraham Whenever I skip a day on the treadmill, I add the 25 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I will be running until 2026.