Entomologic:
Firefly= not a fly
Butterfly= not a fly
Mayfly= not a fly
Stonefly= not a fly
Scorpionfly= not a flyBee louse= fly
This has been “Entomologic”
#entomologic #entomology #SciComm #bugjokes
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Any beach is a nude beach if you drink enough alcohol
I bet kids who live in volcanoes pretend the floor is carpet
Dating a drug dealer in ur early adulthood is absolute necessary character development
just got mad and flipped a table but it spun all the way around in landed right side up. everyone in Applebee’s is clapping
When I see someone at a carwash late at night, I assume they’ve just committed murder.
911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Whatcha dooooin’?
911: Sir, are you in danger?
Me: *giggles* You’re always so worried, but I’m fine, silly
ur macbook about to start asking if you want update now, tonight or when the 2nd wave hits
My son just let a girl “borrow” his hoodie.
Should I tell him now or let him learn?
They offered me money to promote a product in my Twitter account, but my dignity is strong, as Axion “The true grease stain remover”
I’m going to the hospital tomorrow…not because I’m sick, but because they have free pudding if you’re fast enough.
KATY PERRY: 🎶 baby you’re a fiiiiirework
KATY PERRY’S DOG: I hate this song
I sent a coworker a 15 page document as 15 one page PDF files rather than one 15 page PDF file.
Passive-aggressive level achieved: Expert
911 – 911 what’s your emergency
Me – I am Australian and I watch too much American TV
911 – ….
Me – I don’t know our emergency number
“He is woke.” – Millenial Easter
Tried to steal some candy from a baby.
I got hit in the face with a rattle and then it puked on me
They lied about how easy that was.
The world’s worst witness
Me: Then he tore off on some kind of donkey with round legs.
Police Officer: Do you think it might have been a motorcycle?
Me: You know, that’s probably what it was.
How bout you make like fabric softener and bounce.
I hope that if I ever have to call 9-1-1 for an emergency an essential oil person is not the operator.
Help, I’m hurt.
Try Lavender.
we’re insta mutuals now 😌😌😌
The cookie jar oinks when I open it, so don’t ever question my dedication to these hips.
Imagine breaking up on the moon but then you have the whole rocket ship ride home together
Why is it called ‘Your Bowels’ and not ‘Your Instinks’
News Anchor: And now, to report live about this incredibly dangerous storm, we’ll send you out to one of our expendable reporters.
Jodie from HR: Through god, all things are possible
Me: Okay do a kickflip
Jodie: What
Me: Do a double kickflip right now
The only good part about moving is you find every single pair of scissors you have ever owned
i have quarantined a small hotdog within the confines of a small crescent roll which i have quarantined in my belly
[my 1st day as spelling bee host]
your word is policy
“can you use it in a sentence”
um i think hes an undercover cop, he looks a bit policy
As an ex-smoker, if I’d known back then just how many balloons I’d be expected to blow up in later years, I’d have thought twice about ever having kids.
THE CANADA GEESE ARE LEAVING.
AMERICA THEY YOUR PROBLEM NOW.
Wireless bra? What’s the password?