Dear young cashier,
$100.89 is not pronounced $189.
Signed, a lady you scared
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dentist: not a dream, please stop chewing the cement balls outside target
how is everyone so excited about a scary month after *checks notes* like 250 of them in a row
BATMAN: I have invested billions in the most state of the art technology to combat crime in this city
GOTHAM: Great! How can we reach you?
BATMAN: Pray for clouds and point this lamp at the sky while I’m beneath the earth in a cave please
I can’t remember the ending of one single movie I’ve seen since they started selling booze in theaters.
me to the dentist: can u make my teeth more how u say al dente
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Thank you for your comment did you use some kind of random word generator?
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Me: *Mixes “No, I’m good” & “No, I’m just looking”*Me:”No, I’m just good looking”
Boss: Can I have a quick word?
Me: Rapid
Boss:
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[praying in church]
Please God let church end early
i hate you platonically
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doc: omg, when was this last wiped?
me: WHAT
doc: *pointing to dust on table* i must speak to the cleaning lady
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*flicks switch (wrong light)
*flicks another (fan)
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-Boss: “Send me one of your funny tweets”
-Me: “I’m working at the moment, I’ll send you one later”
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Breaking news:
Me when I wear 4 inch heels