My wife and I can’t agree on appropriate gardening attire. But she’s digging in her heels.
#NationalGardeningDay
You Might Also Like
My kids will be late to school even if we lived inside the school
Sugar is cheap. I want an avocado daddy.
Romance is:
Making her a sandwich and cutting it in half using your miter saw for the perfect angle.
Intelligence is the new cleavage
as a kid: i have to save up for this toy
as an adult: i have to save up for this rent
Average person has sex 89 times a year.
These next two days are going to be wild
I went to a wildlife rehabilitation center today and none of the animals were still doing drugs. A massive success!
Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water?
If it sinks = girl ant.
If it floats = buoyant.
My husband says I’m selfish, so yesterday when it snowed I let him have the shovel all to himself
[at grocery store]
me: no.
God: no.
brain: eat a coffee bean.
I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.
Did you know Yoda has a last name?
It’s Layheehoo…
Blew my mind.
In honor of Charles Dickens I will also be cold and poor this christmas.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
My biology teacher asked what the function of carbohydrates were, but apparently “filling the deep well of sadness inside of me” was incorrect.
Adding urine to your compost is a great way to add nitrogen to the soil AND get a restraining order from the neighbors.
Thanks for your advice, everyone. It was terrible and almost got me killed. But thanks.
My 15yo just handed me this and apologised, explaining that he’s been contracted to kill me.
There is a natural phenomenon going on in my house. It seems I’m the only one who sees the trash piling up. It’s quite astounding.
I could be happily married to some dude for 50 year an id still be textin ma pals like “omg do u think he likes me???”
I found my husband’s shirt in the dishwasher & his beer mug in the hamper, but the details of this caper have yet to emerge.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
I tried using that face app which makes people look old, and apparently it’s called a mirror.
Demi Lovato? Isn’t that one of those tiny coffee cups?
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.
It’s true.
After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying “poop deck” & snickering.
I’m sorry I punched you when you said “Facebook me”.
I thought you said “Face punch me”.
[interviewing Matt Damon]
Matt: Well, in this movie I play-
Me: (cuts him off) I’m more interested in talking about the roles you AREN’T playing.