Emotional awareness simply means recognizing, respecting, and accepting your feelings as they happen.
📸: @livinglyfree
#emotion #positivemindset #PositiveVibes #selfcare #selfcare
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Ice cream guys gotta be furious about the moment food trucks are having. They spend hot summers driving around neighborhoods in search of a clientele with basically no money. Food trucks just drop anchor in an office park and suddenly everyone loses their shit for grilled cheese.
“I’m gonna sleep in tomorrow.”
Every child ever: No you’re not.
What’s a Messi?
“Wow, it smells like *sniff* wait what the?”
*Rips blind fold off and sees house burning down*
“Omg!”
Narrator: The power of Febreeze
“IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!” I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin.
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.
my gf opening a package: i need something sharp
me: okay 🙂
her: if u hand me cheddar again i will leave u
me: okay 🙁
[Airport terminal]
*waits at baggage claim area*
*an entire roast pig emerges on the carousel*
*I check the tag to make sure it’s mine*
Me : I have changed my mind.
Wife : Hope the new one is working.
cops: neighbours reported sounds of a struggle
**i begin to weep as I glance at my skinny jeans**
the early bird gets the worm & so does this dance floor of unsuspecting wedding reception guests when my jam comes on
i opened a savings account in 2008 with a $25 deposit. i’ve watched the money grow over the last decade, and though i’ve been tempted, i’ve left it alone. now i have $27.96, enough to retire on. take note.
Def Leppard: “Pour some sugar on me. Ooh, in the name of love”
Def Leppard’s Mom: “Just great! Now we’re going to have ants!”
Fun prank: replace all your phones with rotary phones and your wifi with a dial-up, then watch your kids move out.
“You’re prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!”
TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant. *spits in his pumpkin pie
Wife: can you watch our daughter while I take a nap
Me: sure
Wife: don’t go outside it’s too cold
Me: I’m not an idiot
[10 minutes later]
[interview to be a valet]
me: hi nice to meet you i’m parker
interviewer: you’re hired
ME: Hi, I have a 3 o’clock
RECEPTIONIST: Can I take your name?
ME: No. I need it for work
The date was going horribly until I brought out my tambourine.
ME: Can you have it fixed by Friday?
ABACUS REPAIR GUY: I wouldn’t count on it.
ME: I know. How about Friday?
The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they’re threatened at gunpoint
Surprised Scarlett Johansson didn’t leg sweep Travolta, throw him over her should onto his back and put her foot on his throat.
Son: Your makeup looks weird
Me: I’m not wearing any
An app that tells you if there’s anyone at the grocery store you’ll have to make small talk with.
snack time! which shapeless, wiggly treat would you rather?
This is literally the only instance I’ve ever seen someone “asking for it”
Me: I’m pretty brave.
Wife: You shrieked in terror at a potato.
Me: It had stuff growing out of it. I could’ve died.
People that drive Jeeps will always make a point on how rugged their vehicle is by putting one wheel up on the sidewalk
[second week of being able to talk to animals]
omg you like food I get it