Windows 10 has an extremely unhelpful error message
You Might Also Like
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because I’m riding a Big Wheel on the freeway?
Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL
Have to get my driver’s license renewed today, so naturally I spilt coffee on my shirt.
feeling cute. might rob a bank later.
Toddler cupping his hands around my ear: Pss shh tsk whhh shiii pstsh tssskp.
Me: You know whispering is still saying real words, but just really quietly, right?
I love children, especially when they cry and someone takes them away.
Break the ice when sending business emails by being the first to use a poop emoji
the 1 thing i ask in life is for someone to use my bathroom and come out and say “wow that is the cleanest toliet I’ve ever seen”
there is no such thing as a “cool” 24 year old. there are 24 year olds who act like weird teenagers and 24 year olds who like, work at the bank. that’s it, there is no in between.
Well Avril, given that you were describing two completely different situations at the beginning and the end of the song, in retrospect yes I do believe you could have made it more obvious
[In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth…]
EARTH: yo
GOD: what?
EARTH: send nudes
GOD: *creates Adam & Eve*
EARTH: nice
She’s only nine, but my daughter sings Adele like she’s already been through countless devastating break-ups
Woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then took a nap…
So no, technically, Ms. Snooty HR, I didn’t sleep through my alarm again.
A new poll shows that half of people would keep their current car forever if they could. “And now you CAN!” said the cost of living.
3yo: why do you have to die one day?
Me: probably because of something I said to mommy.
If you see a guy faceplant into an automatic door, come up and say hi
baby moses: [crying]
mum: “why wont he stop”
dad: “throw him in the river lol”
mum: “okay”this is from a book called the bible
Buzzfeed’s 5 Worst Things About Peeing on a Live Power Cable: Number One May Shock You!
Thought for the day:
Shouldn’t you really have more than one thought each day?
Me: … No worries!
Narrator: There were, in fact, many worries.
Happy birthday to all the women
[before cones were invented]
*fistful of ice cream* there has to be a better way
McDonald’s french fries are not real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect.
Tasted fine, too.
My southern mother forbid me to ever tell the story of when she accidentally got in bed with my boyfriend thinking it was me until she touched his hairy back so I will obviously take that to my grave
ME: *movie trailer voice* coming this summer…
WIFE: not if you keep that shit up.
WIFE: You’re embarrassing, ridiculous and an ill informed pseudo intellectual.
ME: “Your”
If you have a friend who’s a pharmacist, and they are ignoring you, just say this: “I was taking antibiotics for an infection, but I feel better now so I’m not going to finish them.” Trust me, they cannot help themselves. They will respond.
[on a date at butterfly conservatory] they serve the best wings here
10: Mom, I need to tell you a secret. Dad thought he was eating white chocolate, but it was a piece of your vanilla scented candle and he liked it. Don’t tell anyone, ok?
Me: Oh, don’t worry…
A good Scotch should taste like how a haunted 17th century wardrobe smells.
ME: *eating fast food*
VEGAN GUY: You eat that stuff?
ME: Yeah
VG: That stuff is gonna kill you
ME: *visibly annoyed* not soon enough