Wordle is trying to tell me something
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
β¬β¬π©β¬β¬
π©π©π©π©π©
You Might Also Like
People who call themselves “grammar Nazis” deserve the worst possible sentence.
Feeling low? Ask a toddler to say hippopopimas… no wait hippoppotimis… you what forget it.
[hotel fire alarm]
M: *in pjs* How did people get dressed and outside so quickly?
H: It’s 10am, they were already dressed.
M: impressive
Maybe I need to quit questioning my parenting and start questioning my childrenβs childing.
I’m the kind of girl people don’t look twice at
Even when I hit them hard with a shopping trolley one, two, thr…
Yep, now he’s looking
I wish I had the self-confidence of people on Twitter who threaten to unfollow others unless their demands are met.
[restaurant]
waiter: how would you like your steak
me: i don’t know, medium?
medium: *gazes into crystal ball* you will like it a lot
Coworker: I need documentation for this project. Itβs super urgent!
Me: Sure. Can you send me the details?
Ages pass.
Empires rise and fall.
Dolphins develop their own space program.
The old gods return.
The stars die out and the sky goes black.
Coworker: Here you go.
me: i love pillow talk
pillow: hello
me: what the hell
When parents say to kids “go to ur room & think about what you’ve done” it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult
A baby stroller, but just to take my snacks with me.
I accidentally confused Star Trek with Star Wars and some kid threatened to cut me with his Virgin card.
i’m convinced the only british slang words you’ll ever need in life are tickety-boo & throwing a wobbly
best comment Iβve heard when I tell people Iβm sober is βeating too much is WAY worse than drinking too much,β but Iβve never known anyone who got a concussion or chlamydia after too many McNuggets
[Calling doctor’s office]
Lady: When is your child’s birthday?
Me: *panic* click
Straight guys on twitter, If you haven’t been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what’s wrong with you.
As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices – take it or leave it.
You can learn a lot about what went on at my house over the weekend by following the wine splatter pattern.
*winks*
*shrugs*
*wiggles eyebrow*
*does jerk off motion*
*waves hands in the air like I just donβt care*
*does the hokey pokey*
*walks like an Egyptian**wonders why he didnβt ask for my number*
I remember when I could put my shoes on standing up and had that one legged balancing act perfected. It was one Saturday back in 1994, but I remember it.
If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out “Marry me?” on pizzas all the time just to make things awkward for couples.
Kids be like mom look at me when youβre driving 70 mph on the freeway.
5yo: What happens when we die?
Me: People fight over your stuff
He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach
All Iβm saying is nothing feels better than using a decorative towel.
Always trust the judgements of a man who honestly answers to the question ‘What’s up?’
Mean Girls 2020: “Gross, isn’t that the mask you wore yesterday?”
The grocery store really hates it when you ask to try on the turkeys and shove your fist inside them up to your elbow.
A worm is a pretty shitty prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Donald Trump said he thinks we made the right decision to leave the EU. This confirms that we absolutely did not make the right decision.