A warning to all – be careful about drink driving as the police are out checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks and one thing led to another and I had a few too many, not a good idea & knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave the car at the pub and took a bus home, I passed the police check point, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breath tests, because I was on a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and no accidents, which was a real surprise because I have never driven a bus before…
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I just ran a .003048K
Me: I need to sleep
Ambien: do worms have buttholes? You should text your boss
Shouldn’t Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.
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Me: yes that number is zero
Me: Hello?
Satan: I’d like to make a return
Me: ALL SALES ARE FINAL
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bartender: get this catatonic
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Me: why is there a graham cracker in my makeup bag?
4: oh, it’s probably mine.
Me: probably?
You hear about that roman ruler who found the fountain of youth? Emperor constant teen.
Big deal, snakes that can unhinge their jaw, I can unhinge my whole self.
When you realize your football team sucks, and you just ate an entire bag of Halloween candy.
hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names
My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.
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