This day in history. 1914. The first WWI trenches were dug if you don’t count the one my grandfather was already hiding from the officers in
You Might Also Like
We currently live in a house with one bathroom.
Therapist: That’s not what I meant by why do you cry at night.
Can’t, my 1yo is taking me rock tasting
There’s a tiktok ad I keep seeing that’s like “STOP SPENDING $200 ON SUNGLASSES.” Ok done. Easiest task I’ve ever been given
Me: I want to be sculpted like a Greek god
Plastic surgeon: We can help with-
Me: *opens mouth* Fill me with cement
My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I’m glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.
My friend asked if I pee a little when I sneeze like I’m some sort of multitasker.
Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They’ll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.
I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk.
As it turns out, if you’re with a group of people, it’s “Christmas caroling.” If you do it alone it’s “creating a public nuisance.”
My son sent me a text saying he has a new Lady Friend. I texted back, “Either you’re paying her by the hour or it’s 1885.”
A shoutout to the jackass that stole my ATM card. I hope you enjoy your $3.62.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
“Why don’t we have sexy time anymore?”
“Because you call it sexy time.”
Vin Diesel memes still relevant? Ok.
Superman: Cool underwater lair. Can I use the bathroom?
Aquaman: The what?
My doctor says I shouldn’t get out of bed at 12:51 AM to make myself a sandwich but he hasn’t suggested who should do it for me.
Books are a total scam. All of these words are already in the dictionary. They’re just selling them back to you in a different order.
Needed 3 tickets to something and my husband bought 4 so he doesn’t have to set next to anyone.
Parenting is filled with wonder. Like wondering why your 4yo raced into the kitchen and quietly grabbed a handful of napkins.
Mother Using Facebook Night Mode Afraid She’s Stumbled Onto Dark Web
Coworker deserves an Oscar for how hard they pretended to work on this project. 😒
Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase “but there’s a good chance I’m wrong about that”
Daughter asked who the princess of France was. When told there wasn’t one her eyes widened and she quietly asked if she could do it
If you send me a work memo on the weekend I respond with Linkin Park lyrics.
I just want to know enough sign language to convince people to stop talking to me
If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield’s, I’d probably shit my pants.
My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.
*refills beautiful woman’s wine glass* haha I feel like I’ve been talking about corn dogs–and my love of corn dogs–all night