[sams club]
ME: {wearing ski mask} This is a robbery!
LADY AT FRONT DOOR: Do you have your membership card?
ME: Uhh, I left it at home.
LADY: I’m sorry sir I can’t let you in.
ME: Please! I’ll be quick.
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what happens in quarantine stays in quarantine
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My Kid: (handing me balloons) Daddy, can you make balloon animals?
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Me: *runs into burning house*
Lady: Everyone is out of the house already!
Me: *comes back out eating their cheese*
“LOL, NOPE”
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