Highly Misleading Pictures That Will Make You Need To Look Twice At To Understand
You Might Also Like
There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.
Face ID doesn’t recognize me unless I’m chewing
Scientist: The average person spends 6.9 hours a week on Twitter.
Me: You mean a day?
Scientist: What?
Me: What?
1st date [dont let him know I’m a sponge]
Him: *spills drink*
Me: *starts twitching*
We don’t talk enough about Nicholson’s competent axe technique in The Shining
[MIDNIGHT TRAIN STATION]
ME: one ticket, please
TICKET SALESMAN: sure, where to?
ME: *looks at camera* anywhere
TICKET SALESMAN: where tho
I need to stay vigilant while venturing into the ocean this week.
Sharks be looking at me like “I can get three meals out of him.”
same energy
I have this theory that McDonald’s hamburgers are actually made out of their employees. That’s why they’re always hiring.
Rat warning in Hong Kong is the best rat warning of all time.
Just read the “Our Story” section on the back of my frozen burrito box and it said “one day my wife made me a burrito and it was so good I knew we had to start a frozen burrito business” and I just feel like not every boxed food needs a story. It’s ok to just not.
Talking to a toddler is like working customer service. For example, she’s screaming at me and I’m apologizing for something I had nothing to do with.
I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to guess what medications you’re on.
Welcome to Pushovers Anonymous. Cool if we start with a reading?
“fine by me!”
“you bet!”
“sounds good!”
“NO”
Sir, please leave.
“NO”
Okay.
Nickelback jokes are the Nickelback of jokes.
People make you wonder just how bad prison would really be
When I texted my dad I wanted to be a barrister he was so proud.
Years later I achieved my dream, and as I make him an Mini Java Chip Frappuccino it turns out I can’t spell and he isn’t proud.
drummer: “just add er on the end of your instrument”
guy who plays trumpet: “so im a trumpeter, ok cool”
guy who plays trombone: “oh no”
[getting completely dominated in a street fight]
ME: damn this toddler plays by her own rules
Let the sword wielding plants fight the Boston Dynamics murder robots.
I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.
Devil worshipper leader: “Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon.”
Stan: “Hey there.”
Why the hell would I use turn signals? I know where we’re going.
Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. “We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle.”
Me: *buying a pair of socks and a pack of gum*
Kohl’s cashier: You saved $439 today.
Last night, a cop pulled me over. “Out of the car!” he said. Then an Indian, fireman and construction worker appeared. We danced until dawn.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back with the rest of it’s little Lego friends.
This is the most 2017 thing I’ve ever seen.
My kid: “Mommy, can you teach me how to pick a lock?”
Me, on the other side of the bathroom door: “No.”