sometimes work CAN be fun, like reading through a long, complicated email and realizing you have zero responsibility for it so you can immediately forward to the person that does while laughing
You Might Also Like
It’s the shortest day. Mind your head.
Good news, my mom’s friend’s sister’s cousin’s cat doesn’t have ringworm
Hey microwaves that make me hit a “time” button before I start pressing numbers: what else would I be trying to do here, make a phone call?
Whatever happened to Lindsay Lohan’s twin sister?
Haven’t seen or heard anything from her since Parent Trap
Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.
my grandfather would be rolling in his grave if we got him the casket he asked for.
“How is this grilling you?” – mom’s 44th question
A good curse on a writer would be “may you realize halfway through that your novel is in the wrong tense”
Me: Im still mad at you for last night
Hub: Well Today is the 1st. Which means that happened last month. Which means youre being ridiculous
“If you love something, set it free…”
Unless it’s a man…
Cause he’ll get lost…
And you know he won’t ask for directions…
I’m at the point in my life where my favorite Mexican restaurant is based solely on how big the margaritas are.
[looking up at night sky]
Girl: The Milky Way and Mars have always fascinated me.
Boy: *trying to impress* Yes, and I also enjoy Snickers.
Me: I need a raise
Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles
1st child: you encourage creativity
2nd child: you encourage independent play
3rd child: you stifle all imagination to avoid a mess.
✌🏽
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years?
Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
No one asks you to hold their baby if you’re standing next to a wood chipper
Smoothies- the art of selling half a banana and a peach for £3.50.
#RubbishJokes #JokeDay
#FridayVibe
Me, as a kid: Proud of myself for reading a 300 page book
Me, as an adult: Proud of myself for reading all 3 paragraphs of an email
No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..
RIP little boat. I can’t think of a more dinghy friend, canoe?
An email from my parents: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Obama’s a Muslim
Friend: Are you growing your hair out?
Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I’d live this long
“You are what you eat”?
I don’t remember eating a giant disappointment.
This is joyous. Go to any YouTube video. Pause it. Click anywhere outside the video and then type 1980. Now defend yourself.
Fun prank: ONLY explain gay marriage to your kids and then watch other people try to explain their weird straight marriages.
The kidnapper rang and said “£10,000 and you get your wife back”
“Negotiate with him!” advised the policeman
“£20,000 and she’s all yours”
I love when the Uber driver is overly prepared with water bottles, chargers, asks about temperature and music preferences, etc., then drives how a deer walks after being born
That lamp looks PISSED.
At what age should you put the tonsils back in