Me: Who made this mess?
8-year-old: Not me.
6-year-old: Not me.
4-year-old: Not me.
3-year-old: A horse. I saw it.
I have a suspect.
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i show up for work with my head stuck in a turtle neck sweater with eye holes cut in it
Quick shout-out to @funTweeters. The “aggregators” and “parodies” could learn a thing or two from this account. It’s aggregation done right.
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blood cell 2: of course baby
blood cell 3: coagulations guys!
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High Schools: Make sure your student gets plenty of sleep
Also High Schools: Bus comes at sunrise
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911 operator: 911, what is your emergency?
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Me: So, you’re having an exitstencil crisis?
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Me: (in a huff from running) Ok, so I have to stay place, now?
9yo: yes
Me: So I don’t have to run around anymore?
9yo: right…
Me: SWEET
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Me: With my elbows
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